I remember, back when I was in college (go Bearkats!), my professors would constantly preach, “Relationships, relationships, relationships.” The same thing would happen in my first few years of teaching. The thing is, however, is that no one told me how to do this, merely that it was something to be done. Maybe they expected something magical to happen, I don’t know. So, I had to figure it out through trial and error.

“You can’t have a solid classroom management in place if you don’t build those relationships first.”

“Kids don’t learn from people they don’t like.”

While these things are true, it did take me a while to figure out how to do this in my classroom in a way that was authentic. I understood the benefits; I just didn’t know how to go about it. Keep reading to find out a few things I learned.

This means a few things:

• Treat them how you want to be treated. Don’t like to be yelled at? Great - neither do your students. Don’t like to be called upon randomly and without warning? Some students hate that, too. Don't like group punishments? I doubt your students do! Don’t like to sit in a chair all day long doing paperwork? Newsflash: your students may also despise that. Obviously, circumstances may be different for different personalities and different demographics and different activities you may be participating in throughout the day, but at the very least, treat your students with the knowledge that they are people, too, who have thoughts and feelings. What you do and say to them matters.

• The way you interact with one student will be different to how you interact with another student. This is especially true for differing grade levels. Some upper elementary students, as well as middle and high school students, may be able to understand sarcastic jokes, but your little ones will not and you will hurt their feelings. Keep in mind the student you are interacting with and proceed accordingly.

This may be a hot take for some, but once I get my classroom management in order at the beginning of the year and let my kids know I mean business, I’m not afraid to be silly with them. I crack jokes. I use weird voices when teaching. I dance around the room. I sing to them. I make TikTok references. Kids learn best from people they like.

Looking for a great way to help your students get to know you better? Check out this resource: First Week of School Icebreaker - Getting to Know You Guessing Game.

When every other classroom in the hallway was an absolute mess that year, and when these exact students were terrors in third grade, my partner teacher and I had it on lock. Our students were, overall, well-behaved. They listened. I put in only a handful of office referrals. There were no physical altercations in my homeroom. (Obviously, they are children and they had their bad days and were talkative at times, but I’m telling you - my students were like night and day compared to how I was told they were the year prior.)

What did we do that the other teachers did not do?

I truly believe it was the relationships we built with our students. We did not yell at them. We cared about what they had to say.

We advocated for them.

And it was noticed. I had many many teachers come to me that year and tell me they didn’t know how I did it. Well:

If a student came to me with an issue they had with another classmate, I did not brush it off and make it seem like what they were feeling didn’t matter. If able, I immediately spoke to the other student. If not immediately, I did later that day. Teachers in the previous school year did not listen to them. They did not correct behaviors. They let it go on.

Listen to your students. Advocate for them. Stand up for them. Do not let other students talk mess about them. Do not let them get the short end of the stick from any other teacher or admin. Your students will remember and will act accordingly.

For me, consistency is key. Your students WILL push your boundaries. As the adult and authority figure, you must uphold those boundaries. Children crave structure and thrive within it, no matter how much they don’t want to admit it. Be consistent within your expectations. If you say Level 0 voice, do not continue speaking until you have Level 0. If you say 5 minutes to clean up the room, practice it over and over until they get it right. If you expect them to do a call back and response, do it over and over until every student does it back. There is no “sometimes we have to do this” or “usually we do this” when it comes your expectations. It is all the time, every time, with fidelity.

So, how does this relate to relationships? Well. If your students think they can walk all over you, they will not respect you, and it’s certainly not going to be an authentic relationship. Not only this, but students will be drawn to your structure, especially if they have none at home. (This is only the case if you are kind, however. Believe it or not, it is possible to be kind and at the same time not take any crap from anyone.)

Along these same lines, if you tend to yell at your students - stop. There is nothing worse than an unregulated adult trying to regulate an unregulated child. Really, it’s just showing them that it’s okay to behave that way when it’s not. Try out some different techniques to calm yourself before addressing your students. Personally, I did classic breathing. Sometimes I would even have the whole class breathe with me. Sometimes I would start singing my directions and expectations, which helped to regulate my nervous system.

Looking for some fun ways to build relationships and community through games? Check out these digital icebreakers!

Questions, comments, or concerns? Drop any of those below, or tag me on TikTok or Instagram! My handle is @teachandachieve on both platforms. I’ll get back to you as quickly as possible.

Until next time!

-Aimee ♡